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{Insert Cool Name Here} Chapter 1, Page 9

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Wow, this took longer than expected. But I finished the pencils in February, I just wanted a critique. I tried to use what they told me, but I am not sure how well I did that. Also, forced myself to do proper backgrounds. Well, properish, still getting the hang of perspective. Anyhow, only one page left in this chapter that has been going on for two years, my goodness I need to get faster.
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Ellofayne's avatar

Hey there! This is for :iconprojectcomment: tag, my word was companion! I looked through your gallery and this pretty much fit the word I think, as there are two companions here! :icondragonwant:


So I went through and read the whole thing to figure out what was going on, and I guess this is going to be a comment for sort of the comic in general. First off, MY HAVE YOU improved!!!! Like, wow!!!! You should feel so proud of yourself. If you hate those first pages, that is a good thing! Use that embarrassment to drive you forward and always get better! And really, you have. I see it in the way you draw your characters in general, the way you form their eyes, adding the backgrounds and then really getting good at the backgrounds- this page is your best so far. Especially with the backgrounds, I wouldn't have done them any other way! Great job. Like, just in this one, Pam's looking up expression is really effortless and the perfect "huh?" and then going back to looking down is also really cool, and you did a great job on all the backgrounds. And I also really like how you chose to put each of their feet in a different position as they are walking, really realistic :D


I think one of the key points in comics is keeping them interesting without being too repetitive. When its the same people and things over and over again it becomes kind of boring, and worse, too hard to follow. There were a couple of frames where I couldn't quite tell what happened. The whole overall story made sense, but a couple I was like.... hmmm well let me just continue and I will figure it out later. Lol. One way you can “keep it interesting” is in the poses, and moreso how much of them viewers can “see”. Of course we all know its the same character, so you can actually mix it up without confusing us easily. For example check out this comic. It is by stressedjenny the queen of likeable OC's and comics now in general, stressedjenny.deviantart.com/a…. Looking at this page can really give you a lot of variation: her whole head is actually chopped off in the first frame, the second she's a minor character in the background but you still know its her, and the last one has the huge nice background. But don't let the background thing discourage you, backgrounds are always hard and I hate doing them too lol! Here is another page, where actually ¾ panels are just sky, and it totally makes sense and doesn't appear lazy at all stressedjenny.deviantart.com/a… (please check out the whole comic, it can give you tons of ideas for poses, different box sizes, making the characters larger than the boxes and breaking the lines of them!)


And I wanted to say in your one page where the person gets locked in the dark, that actually wasn't as bad as you thought. I kind of liked it because wherever she shined the light you didn't draw all the scribbilies and it actually had a cool effect. I'm not sure how you could have done it any better with the black and white form... the next step is coloring!


I'm a fan of just diving into art and floundering, but I think you learn more that way lol. So all of the things I mentioned maybe seem hard and like really far in the future, but they don't have to be! All you simply have to do is JUST DOOOO ITjust DO IT!!!  DO YAH? Axel Is Mad  (what how is there not a nike check emoticon in all the deviantart?! psh)


As for the story, it makes sense and I like it well enough. I think it is aimed for more younger audiences than me personally, but that doesn't really matter. What matters is YOU like it, you want to write it, which is why it is this long and have worked on it this many years and you are still going at it! Even with your descriptions of “invisible watchers” or viewers... I'm sorry you probably have heard it over and over and you WILL keep hearing it over and over... just gotta keep practicing and going at it. You will find your audience :) And even if its not with this comic, the skills you learn from this will help you in a future one that may succeed :D :D :D  

Sorry I wrote you a book lol, just my opinions XD